When you’re not “obviously trans” on TDOV.

On this day every year, every LGBT blog and site tries to get us to celebrate Transgender Day of Visibility. Some try to shorten it to “Trans Day of Visibility” to try to be inclusive of non-binary identities. Others try to say it represents those who are “visible” for those who can’t be.

How can one person being out, help out people who are in the closet, people who can’t transition? Does increased visibility mean it will help progress society into tolerating transgender existence? When I was first came out to myself, others’ visibility didn’t help me; it worsened my dysphoria. I didn’t think I had the finances or resources to transition (I did, many weeks later). Seeing everyone living in kitsch liberal bubbles worsened my depression, because I live in an area where being gay or trans leads to social isolation. And saying it gives the freshly awakened “hope”, because “things will get better”, doesn’t address the here, the now, the present.

People are not often not “out” or “visible” not because they want to be, but they remain “in the closet” because they have to be. Countries that may jail us at the best, kill us at the worst. Children and teenagers who have parents whose religious objections may mean getting kicked out and become homeless if they admit it. Workers who could lose their jobs and residences in areas that don’t possess anti-discimination laws. Being denied essential services in low-income areas by private- or church-funded groups because their religion preaches against us.

And, well…the conversation is about those in the closet. What about the trans person living in stealth? What is stealth, exactly, and how does it differ from being in the closet?

The closet refers to trans people who just found out they have gender dysphoria or gender incongruence, but haven’t admitted to others. They still resume lives as a member of their natal gender assignment. Stealth, meanwhile, refers to people who completed their transition, live as members of their gender identity, and don’t disclose it to those around them; in the old days, and to the extreme today, it even means leaving your hometown area and relocating to a new place where nobody knew you before transitioning. In the past, this was recommended as part of the WPATH-SOC. Stealth is usually taken by those who wish to only be seen as men or women, or because being out may be dangerous.

In between the extremes is a lesser-known concept called “disclosure”, which is where you disclose your trans status selectively. I reveal myself to people not at first but after I know them. Living in a rural, conservative area, my family, neighbors, and the local coffeehouse know I am trans, but almost everyone else, from the clerk at my local convenience store to my coworkers, just see a guy. Why? Again—I live in a small town, in an area conservative in nature.

So, if I’m not obviously celebrating this holiday, it’s because while I am trans, I can’t always be out and obvious. Those in stealth, or who don’t disclose, have as much as risk as those who have to remain in the closet. And while your visibility may help others, it may also harm as well. Visibility is a double-edged sword, effective but can equally be destructive.

One comment

  1. Hi. Thanks for reading my blog. Stealth/disclosure. For a lot of us 10-15-20-50 years post-op (especially MtoF, being trans becomes ancient history. I have friends I am out to (mostly other transfolks), I disclose to some people in hopes of helping them.

    But I also sort of think the people who should handle the activism are those most affected by the present day issues.

    For someone like me the over 50 years since transition means I am of a different language and different culture. Now days I’m an old hippie dyke and transition for me means being in the process of converting to Reform Judaism.

    Liked by 1 person

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